What were they thinking?!

I'm feeling really nervous about the 3U classes. Kinda like a kid on the first day of school all over again. I have approx. 90 new names to memorize... So let's change the topic. Reading Fatima's most recent post about the sillyness that sometimes turns up in student work made me want to share a few of my "gems" from the past semester. This stuff is from all over the place (essays, questions, assignments and journals), and yes, I actually save the stuff that sometimes makes me burst out laughing and sometimes makes me shudder (and sometimes, though rarely, brings a tear to my eye - in a good way). I photocopy any work that catches my attention and then dump it in the corner of my room. My pile is small right now, but with three English classes starting tomorrow, I expect it to be a reasonable size by June! Um, did I mention that I feel nervous about the 3Us? To top it off, I peeked at the attendance list today (even though I didn't want to) and realized that I know A LOT of the students from supply teaching - I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing :S


The following are taken from various essays. Please note my own comments in the brackets - really, that's what I'm thinking when I read some of this stuff. Don't worry, I'm not THAT sarcastic with comments when I'm returning papers.



From essays:

Inside something is troubling her. She is like Michael Jordan when he lost his father because he didn't have time to reflect on the good times they had because of the media and publicity. (Uh, what's with these comparisons!)

He treated her with great care and gentleness like she was a new set of China. (Cute, seems like a nice guy!)

The main character is like a young cadet, they both make amateur mistakes. (Um okay, and the relevance to the topic is?)

If Mrs. Maloney was not an understanding person, I think the bondage between her husband and her would have ended a lot earlier and have ended much faster. (Bondage??? What were YOU reading?!)

If she truly loved him the way it appeared to have been in the story, why all of a sudden kill him? This is something that only magical readers can understand. (What the hell are MAGICAL readers?)

Mary played an important role in the story. Without her there would probably be no story. (No kidding! - She's ONLY the main character!)

The following is taken from 4 different papers that were supposed to answer the question - What effect did the message of the poem have on you?

1. The poem did not affect me at all. (Your answer doesn't do anything for me...).

2. At first I was confused but then I became more confused and wished I hadn't read it.

3. I felt a little dizzy but further on I felt okay. (A period means to take a breath, please don't attempt to read entire poem without breathing.)

4. It made me want to drop English. (I suggest you re-read the poem and come up with a feeling otherwise your mark on this paper will really make you want to drop English).

My ultimate favourite (for obvious reasons hehe) is from an assignment where students had to come up with extended metaphors. One of my more serious students wrote the following:

A new teacher is like a zoo tamer. The animals will not listen to you at first and will get louder and more out of control as they try to take advantage of your "newness." These animals will go crazy and can be very stressful but after awhile you will earn their respect if you're good and they'll get used to you, appreciate you, and even love you.

Awww :D

Now, the ultimate ultimate funniest one is in answer to a response question that was supposed to deal with males and females being treated equally. The question asked what are some of the challenges young males might face today? The ultimate answer? A challenge boys might face today could be when they're dancing instead of playing basketball like more guys, they could get an erection and won't know what to do.

I swear, when I read that last one I almost fell out of my chair laughing. It didn't help that it was from the exam.

I still feel nervous :S