Listless

I always wanted a guy who could lift me up. I don't mean just pick me up for a few seconds, I mean lift as in fully sweep me off the floor in one smooth motion and carry me. I need that strength. I'm attracted to the strength, that power, that manliness that comes from being able to carry the princess in his arms and walk off into the sunset.

Yesterday when I was driving home from work I saw a male student carrying a female student home in his arms cradled like a baby and I just thought "aww" ... it was so sweet and innocent... they were totally lost in each other's eyes and it looked like nothing else in the world mattered to them. It reminded me of a time in high school when V carried me from my school to the movie theatre nearby because I had complained that my feet were hurting. I remember the sandals I was wearing that day... I haven't worn them since. Skip forward a few years and I remember him carrying me in the park in that same way. We were the only ones around and it was a beautiful day much like today. I tried to lift him up but couldn't get him a few centimetres of the ground before my arms felt like mush and I quickly had to put him down. He however was showing off his strength by swooping down out of nowhere and lifting me up, carrying me, and then pretending to drop me, but not letting go. I miss that. I miss his strong arms. A boy with skinny arms is not right.

Not too long ago V began his job as a personal trainer. The gym that he works at is downtown and his travelling time is long. In between his summer school and work, already I feel like I barely see him.

I want to be carried like a baby again.

I feel a bit listless. I found out today that because I'm not a permanent teacher I can collect Employment Insurance in the summer. Should I be comforted by that fact? I know the summer will pass by quickly and my parents are really pushing me not to work. They want me to start planning the wedding, but how long does it take to plan a wedding? They also want me to buy a car with V. I've already picked one out in my mind, it's a shimmery pale pink. Somehow I don't think V-my muscle man will really go for that though. I don't know how I feel about giving up my Volvo but my dad has been plotting to take it back for awhile now. Anyways, I've already applied for an education-related but not teacher job. It doesn't pay a whole lot but it'll look good on my resume.

& The jobs came out on the internal hiring list today. They all suck. There's about 6 English jobs, all paired with subjects that I'm not qualified to teach. And I stayed up so late yesterday working on my application package - I made it great, I was so inspired, I did half of it in poetry because I figured that would help me stand out from the rest. And now there's nothing to apply to. I can't even call V to complain because he's at work right now and by the time he gets home I'll be sleeping.

I feel like digging up my old rollerblades and skating off into the sunset.