On LOVE & "Window Shopping"

Fu's play Window Shopping was great, mostly because Fu was the most talented from all and had me and V laughing throughout. A big CONGRATULATIONS to Fu!

The topic of arranged marriage that the play touched on, and my short talk with Nauman later on about the problem with weddings/marriage in the Pakistani/Indian culture, got me thinking about this so called "window shopping" for your mate in life. This is something that I thoroughly disagree with. I'm not talking about ancient practices of men and women who've never spoken a word to each other and then being forced into marriage. Okay, to some degree, that isn't really an ancient practice, but I have friends whose parents, introduced to each other by their parents, barely knew each other for a week before agreeing to marry. However, here I'm talking about "arranged" as in the sense of parents who hunt down available single males or females at every function they go to, for their child to maybe one day marry. Does that even make sense? Is that even Islamic? Can you really pick the most suitable person at a party where that person is dressed up to look his/her best and be on his/her best behaviour? Of course not. If you do, you're being very irresponsible.

[This post has nothing to do with teaching/the classroom, but I just wanted to mention that I gave my students a very long lecture on being responsible (oh they must love me!) and now that topic seems to be popping up in all my discussions.]

It takes a while to get to know someone. This is the biggest decision of your life, how can you decide in days/weeks/months? Shouldn't it take 1-2 years? I feel like shaking people on boths sides of the problem. Parents, why are you in such a hurry to marry off your children to just anyone it seems? Put some thought into your future son/daughter-in-law besides the colour of their skin and how much money they have in the bank. Ladies, why are you so desperate that you settle for the first guy suggested your way by mommy and daddy? Aren't you educated? Don't you have your own thoughts/ ideas/ values/ brain?! Men, why can't you get up of your lazy butt and stop having your parents guide your life? Act like men!

Sorry. I don't really want to shake anyone :S I just feel frustrated when I see the type of ridiculous cultural practices that take place around me. I feel so lucky to not have parents who have to "window shop" but at the same time, I feel incredibly embaressed for those who do.

I recently read the book The Namesake - a great book (and soon to be movie) that deals with this issue in a way. The main character's parents are Bengali immigrants who barely know each other when they get married and yet they leave their family and everything they know to move to America to begin life together as practically strangers. To me, that just doesn't make sense. Their relationship lacks love. Why would you want to travel halfway across the world with someone you don't love? However, their son, who goes through various relationships with two American women and one woman of a similar background, doesn't end up with love either.

So how do you find love then? Do you sit back and let your parents do all the work or do you hunt for that special someone on your own? Or is it a combination of the two?

How important IS love anyway? Is it something that you should feel and understand before marriage, or is it something that comes later on, once you've already tied the knot? Do you grow to love each other? Personally, I know that I could never marry someone who I don't love first. For me, love simply has to come before marriage. Any thoughts/opinions about all this? I know this post is kinda all over the place but I can't help but look around me at the couples I see (married and unmarried) .. who lack love. And I can't help but look around me at the single men and women out there and question their values and motivations in finding love or finding someone to fall in love with.